Szathkeyville, Ohio was a small town with one grocery store, one post office, two restaurants and only one hair salon. The good, kind hearted folks of the town liked it just this way. Soon however, the minute nature of the town was to be contrasted in a way so unexpected as to throw the entire town into a panic from which they would not soon recover.
The story begins on a quiet Sunday evening in October. Twelve year old Clem Grover had just finished his chores for the evening: cleaning the kitchen table, washing the dishes, and vacumming his mothers underwear. Clem was on his way to meet Jed, Tommy, and Norris at the recreation center for a quick game of pepper before bedtime. He passed the barber shop, waving hello to Old Man Satchel, and continued on his way. Suddenly, from the darkness of the alley between the post office and the barber shop a huge, veined hand reached out and snatched Clem right off his feet.
It is at this point I suppose I should mention the secret government laboratory just five miles outside of Szathkeyville, Ohio. The Oppenheimer Memorial Lab had been conducting experiments of a rather curious nature; these experiments dealt with the violent, ingrained tempers of seemingly docile obese men. On that fateful Sunday evening, the scientists had been attempting to tap into the hidden anger of a sexually frustrated large man named Aaron (for security purposes, he was codenamed Biggs).
One of the lab assistants, a sly young ass-kisser by the name of Obediah, tried to prematurely induce a negative response from Biggs. Repeatedly placing a morsel of pornography in front of the severly repressed subject, Obediah then replaced it with a back issue of Newsweek while laughing maniacally. Biggs would have no more of these madcap antics. He promptly seized a graduated cylinder (Class of '78) from beside him and proceeded to introduce Obediah to forced anal penetration.
Fleeing the building to the sound of panic alarms and machine gun fire, Biggs ran rather speedily in relation to his sizable figure. He eventually eluded his pursuers and took refuge in the alley between the barber shop and the post office. Which is where we left Clem. Oddly enough it is also where Biggs left what was left of Clem: two fingers and a sneaker..........